I sat down to write today several times and worried that my brain may just be a bit too much. My thoughts felt too big but to begin to understand them myself I am now posting some of the writing I used to simply hide in my Word files. I think that part of my reluctance to post throughout the summer is that I spent a lot of time deep in thought….the kind of thoughts that I was not sure if I should share. Some were hard, some were challenging, some scared me and I was not sure if others would want to hear them. The fact remains that despite my reluctance, fear or hesitation they are mine and my decision to blog in the first place was to have a place to write out the scramble of thoughts in my head.
One of the reasons that I decided to revisit blogging despite my chaotic thoughts was a post from a friend’s blog which quoted Hemingway. The quote was "There is nothing to writing, all you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." Bleed. Bleeding is such a truthful act. It is difficult to hide and it is an honest way for one’s body to say I am hurting. How many times are we hurting and we refuse to be honest about it?
This post is going to now contradict itself. Here is my conundrum. I have found that people are negative at times. I am guilty of this “easy” negativity myself. How many times a day do we focus on the bad before even considering the good? I hate traffic. It is too hot, too cold, too humid, too rainy, I hate my job, I hate my car, I hate my phone. Is there a winning life phase? Why are we conditioned to jump to the negative? I say this is a contradiction because on the one hand I am saying we need to realize our hurts and on the other I am saying we need to seize the good in life. You see, I see a difference in truly hurting and simply being negative. I also feel as though our focus on the negative works against our hurts and makes us feel as though we are to only complain about the superficial. The things that society would agree with as negatives but what would happen if someone said I am hurting. I am lonely. I need support. When you ask me if I am fine, I don’t believe you want an answer. I feel lost? So we are negative, yet we don’t want to focus on the important elements of hurt. The bleeding that if healed could become a positive.
I do not say any of this to condemn. I do not say any of this to look as though I am the one caring person in this world who is always optimistic and would never think of putting my own needs first because I will be honest in saying that I am selfish at times. I cover up my feelings with “socially acceptable” answers and I can be negative. I say this because this conversation has been a nagging thought in my head that I am beginning to let out. It is interesting to think of a world where we care for those around us more than the latest episode of that new reality show (not judging…I love them too) or the newest upgrade of cell phone. What would happen if a person’s bleeding was not easily hidden and we realized the wounds we are carrying around with us? Would we care or would we be upset that people were staining the carpet?
Just a thought… hopefully tomorrow’s post will be sunshinier (yes, that is a word).
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