Is that fall I feel?

So per my last post about negativity and my own personal realization that with a new job, life stressors and constant adjustments I need to make a conscious effort to enjoy the small things I am spending my crisp Saturday morning waking up slow, drinking a large cup of strong coffee and enjoying the gray turned pink sky that the sunrise is providing for me.  The sunrises this week have been spectacular, of course I never snapped a picture…I need to work on that, and I have been able to spend an additional few minutes each commute enjoying the sunrise as a bridge in Louisville has been shut down this week for repairs!  Let me explain further… I live by the Ohio River and almost EVERYTHING in my life (i.e. church, shopping, work) involves crossing one of the limited number of Ohio River bridges.  This closure has definitely left a kink in everyone’s travel plans but at least God gave us some pretty sunsets, right? 

I rarely take my time on Saturday morning.  I tend to overbook myself, I actually tend to overbook my overbooking and while I can admit that I have a long To Do list that I am hiding from I decided that today needed to be started slowly.  These first few days of fall-like weather are some of my favorite for the year.  The cool, crisp mornings and evenings and the crunch of fallen leaves under my feet provide calm from the summer chaos and require a moment of reflection.  How is it already mid-September?  2011 has definitely been a year of changes, adventures and life lessons.  Living in Indy with Harlowe Rose for 6 months, graduating from graduate school, getting my first “big girl” job and loving what I am doing.  God is good. 

Okay… so maybe my To Do list is calling but before I sign off I hope that you can have a beautiful Saturday morning…even if your weather is not yet crisp or cool. 

possibly a bit too much?

I sat down to write today several times and worried that my brain may just be a bit too much.  My thoughts felt too big but to begin to understand them myself I am now posting some of the writing I used to simply hide in my Word files. I think that part of my reluctance to post throughout the summer is that I spent a lot of time deep in thought….the kind of thoughts that I was not sure if I should share.  Some were hard, some were challenging, some scared me and I was not sure if others would want to hear them.  The fact remains that despite my reluctance, fear or hesitation they are mine and my decision to blog in the first place was to have a place to write out the scramble of thoughts in my head. 

One of the reasons that I decided to revisit blogging despite my chaotic thoughts was a post from a friend’s blog which quoted Hemingway.  The quote was "There is nothing to writing, all you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."  Bleed.  Bleeding is such a truthful act.  It is difficult to hide and it is an honest way for one’s body to say I am hurting.  How many times are we hurting and we refuse to be honest about it? 

This post is going to now contradict itself.  Here is my conundrum.  I have found that people are negative at times.  I am guilty of this “easy” negativity myself.  How many times a day do we focus on the bad before even considering the good?  I hate traffic.  It is too hot, too cold, too humid, too rainy, I hate my job, I hate my car, I hate my phone.  Is there a winning life phase?  Why are we conditioned to jump to the negative?  I say this is a contradiction because on the one hand I am saying we need to realize our hurts and on the other I am saying we need to seize the good in life.  You see, I see a difference in truly hurting and simply being negative.  I also feel as though our focus on the negative works against our hurts and makes us feel as though we are to only complain about the superficial.  The things that society would agree with as negatives but what would happen if someone said I am hurting.  I am lonely. I need support.  When you ask me if I am fine, I don’t believe you want an answer.  I feel lost?  So we are negative, yet we don’t want to focus on the important elements of hurt.  The bleeding that if healed could become a positive.

I do not say any of this to condemn.  I do not say any of this to look as though I am the one caring person in this world who is always optimistic and would never think of putting my own needs first because I will be honest in saying that I am selfish at times.  I cover up my feelings with “socially acceptable” answers and I can be negative.  I say this because this conversation has been a nagging thought in my head that I am beginning to let out.  It is interesting to think of a world where we care for those around us more than the latest episode of that new reality show (not judging…I love them too) or the newest upgrade of cell phone.  What would happen if a person’s bleeding was not easily hidden and we realized the wounds we are carrying around with us?  Would we care or would we be upset that people were staining the carpet? 

Just a thought… hopefully tomorrow’s post will be sunshinier (yes, that is a word). 

An Accidental Summer Vacation

So summer turned out to be an unintentional hiatus from blogging.  When I started this blog I had every intention to blog several times per week but it turns out that when life gets busy my inspiration gets smaller or at least it becomes a lower priority on my ever growing “to do” list.  As I reflected today on the last year and the last ten years as the news and most social media reflect the anniversary of an American tragedy I realized that I missed the cathartic experience of writing.  I do not like the loss of priority to my blogging adventure and therefore I will rededicate myself to being accountable to inspiration and taking the time to write those inspirations as they come.

Truth be told, my brain is being stretched in ways that I did not even know existed.  I graduated my counseling program in May and began working as a child and family therapist in July.  Sometimes I am speechless at the fact that seven years ago I was beginning college as a freshman with nerves, hopes and dreams of becoming an elementary school teacher and I can vividly remember the semester as I sat in Psych 101 and realized that I wanted to be a therapist.  I loved the science, the research and as I now refer to it the science of compassion.  I am fascinated by people and behavior.  Why do we do what we do?  Why do we feel how we feel?  What can I do to help?  These questions motivate me past the nerves of freshman year to transferring to a different university, declaring a new major, graduating undergrad, being the “new kid” again as I began graduate school and finally walking across that stage to accept my masters degree! 

Now I am again the new kid with new nerves and feelings of inadequacy but as I do I have the confidence of knowing that I am in the “right” career and that I am passionate about what I do.  It is invigorating and fear inducing all in the same moment but it also has left me with less free time and more headaches than ever before.

Clearly, excuses can be made but the truth is…this summer just got away from me.  It was a summer of small adventures, exit exams, licensure requirements, play dates with Harlowe, travels, concerts, birthdays and memories of which I hope to fill you in but for now I will simply say that I am back up and running! 

A Perfect Day

Today was a perfect day.  I have had several perfect days in my life and I spent each one in awe of that fact that things really could be this good or that my soul really could feel as though it is smiling…and thankfully today was one of those days.

This is my last week as full-time nanny for my beautiful niece Harlowe Rose and as I mourn the fact that this is ending I also cling to each second that I get to spend with her, which is part of what made today a perfect day.  She woke at her usual time and took a short morning nap before she and I took the jogging stroller out on an adventure.  The sun was supposed to be intermittent today so I knew we had to take advantage of it while we could.  We walked through the neighborhood, through the park, up and down curbs and sidewalks as she babbled about to passing trees and birds.  For those who do not have immediate access to a babbling infant, find one.  It is one of the most precious sounds possible.  Just as we got inside and opened a few windows the rain came and engulfed the living room with both the sounds and smell of spring.  It was so refreshing.  After eating bananas like a big girl (we are working on this!), Harlowe fell asleep and we took a nap to the sound of the rain…which let me tell you is one of the all-time favorite things to do. 

We spent the rest of the morning and afternoon playing on sofa, dancing around the living room and cuddling up for naps.  It was truthfully perfect and as she fell asleep for one last nap while holding the collar of my shirt I felt like my heart could burst with love for this tiny, precious infant girl who has made such an impact on my life.  Each coo, each snore, each cry and each giggle is so monumental to me and I have loved being a part of this. 

A few months ago when I first started watching Harlowe I wrote a blog post that I never published about the simple pleasures that God obviously intends for His people and I felt very reminiscent of that post today...so I kind of mixed the two which is quite appropriate for how all over the place my brain has been lately. 

Life is stressful.  There are deadlines and planning and planning for deadlines all of which are overwhelming to me at any given moment of my day.  I have decided this week, and in this moment of spring rain, coffee filled bliss that it really can be about the small things sometimes.  One of my many mantras of survival is “don’t sweat the small stuff” but I think of the flipside of this I can say “enjoy all of the small stuff.”  Enjoy the aroma of your favorite bodywash that lingers in the bathroom far after the shower is over, love the change of the weather and focus on the rain or sun rather than the allergies that spring can bring, have the fun of a child for the short time that a child is in my daily routine and I am able to see first hand the fascination of experiencing life for the first time and finally, embrace the love of my heavenly father who orchestrated each of these small moments so that I could enjoy them.  So for now, go enjoy your day.  Whether that be sunshine, rain, stress or carefree, make the most of it because you can!  I hope for you that today can be a perfect day too.



Awesome

Disclaimer: I apologize to those who do not watch How I Met Your Mother..as some of this will make little sense.  In addition, if you do not watch HIMYM...you should :)

Do you ever wish life really was like a sitcom?  If so, what would your sitcom be?  I think that mine would be a conglomeration of a few…most likely depending on the day.  I would love the sarcastic humor found on Seinfeld and the comedic coworkers like Jim and Pam of the office yet today I ask the question because I am interviewing for jobs and the response I wish that I could have when describing myself comes from the oh so eloquent Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother.  This sitcom in particular would be legend…wait for it….airy to join as the friends featured are the right mixture of serious and sarcastic, they spend countless nights solving life’s problems over beer and the live in New York City.  I mean come on, it isn’t exactly a hard sell.  That is beside the point though.  Barney Stinson played by Neil Patrick Harris (who is particularly awesome anyway) once created a video resume complete with 3D graphics, archery, boat tricks and a whole lot of awesome.  As I submit my resume over and over again I can’t do it without thinking about a world where fire features really could get you a job and where my response of “I’m Allison…and I’m awesome” would be enough.  It seems so much more complete than simply stating education and professional experience, blah blah blah.  So today, as I submit boring resume after boring resume I leave you with the awesome-ness that is HIMYM.  It will make you want to show up at MacLaren’s and ask them to let you join the group.  Allison Mosby…it has a nice ring right



A Sentimental Celebration



Yesterday I accomplished a major life milestone by graduating from Campbellsville University with my Master’s in Counseling.  Large events in life often lead me to be especially sentimental and introspective and yesterday was no exception to that experience.  I awoke to the memories of undergraduate graduation from Anderson.  To me, that will be the graduation memory that I always hold most dear to my heart as it involved celebrating such an accomplishment with my friends and family standing by my side and graduating with me.  Those last weeks of Anderson life will be some of my most treasured memories…late nights, coffee dates, last minute errands around the booming metropolis of Anderson, Indiana and soaking up every last second of living in a city where the majority population involved my best friends.  I could laugh and cry just thinking about how wonderful that life phase was and how deeply I miss living in that old, creaky, “yellow” house with five women to whom I owe so very much. 

The experience yesterday was much different.  Not bad, just different.  Graduation took place on the main campus of Campbellsville University which is not the campus that I attended, therefore I almost felt like a visitor at my own graduation.  I had the blessing of my parents attending the ceremony and celebrating with me (my parents are fabulous at making a girl feel special) yet that element of camaraderie and walking through a campus full of memories was missing…and I felt that absence.  There wasn’t a valley, or helios in front of Hartung Hall.  Students playing Frisbee golf or hearing the laughter of a group of guys moving out of Dunn Hall were nowhere to be found.  Those elements of life that helped in the creation of who “college Allison” was were not present, yet I was graduating from college.  Strange. 

Now all of that makes it sound as though my Master’s graduation was not wonderful, and that is not true.  As I said before, not bad…just different.  Last night I was greeted by a faculty and staff who were beaming with pride and shared in the joy that my family and I were feeling.  Campus was beautiful and the thunderstorms that were supposed to cramp my style were nowhere to be found which left a gorgeous, spring-like evening to enjoy the festivities.  The ceremony itself was very special and at the end of the day I was very proud of my accomplishment and I felt so much love from my friends and family who have been by my side throughout this journey. 

I guess all of this self reflection is to say that I am truly blessed.  I feel pride in my accomplishment but even more so I feel loved by the large number of people who truly love me, support me and have been prayerfully caring for me through each step of my journey.  It has not always been pretty and there have been night of crying just as there have been nights of joy.  I have never been alone through this process and so on a night were I felt like a graduating class of one it helped me to realize that I am a product of my journey and a product of those whom I love.  To my lemon peel ladies and wonderful (lifelong) friends at AU, thank you.  You helped me develop into the woman that I am today plus you gave me the epic graduation experience that I will never forget.  Thank you to my friends who are like family.  God blessed me with so many non-biological sisters who give care and love to me on a daily, weekly and monthly basis.  You know who you are and you are strong, fearless women who strengthen my desire to be a strong, fearless woman too.  To my family, thank you for your sacrifices, prayer and constant presence that gave me the strength to push through in the hard times.  I am proud to be a Hock and I thank you for giving me so many great reasons to love who I am and where I came from.  God is good and through Him and the amazing support team that He has blessed me with I know that I can accomplish anything.  Okay, this has gotten sappy but I know that I did not accomplish any of this on my own and therefore I feel as though a big, blog hug has been earned by so many, so thank you.  Now on to the next chapter…and the journey continues. 

CU Graduation



Part of the Hock clan







AU Graduation



Sometimes, it is better to just not ask questions :)

Flowers Anyone?

I adore flowers.  This is simple to understand I am sure…they are beautiful, they smell great and so many times they are pink (bonus!).  To me, flowers are just such a fast way to make a room look gorgeous and brighten up a day.  Last week I got the best surprise by having flowers delivered to me!  If I were to make a list of my favorite things, I think receiving flowers would be in the top 5.  When I used to work as a receptionist and flowers were always delivered to me before I passed them on to their rightful owner, my heart would always skip a beat hoping that the card would read my name.  It rarely did, so imagine my joy when I opened the door to find the most beautiful assortment of tulips.  They were perfect and such a fun way to celebrate graduation!  As the week went on, they became too big for their vase and so I had to get creative on how to continue loving my gorgeous gift… so here are some pictures of what I did!  I love the short vases (aka, juice glasses) and now I wish there could be a way to turn these into silk flowers so that they could look like this forever.  That is truly the only downside of fresh flowers is their short expiration date but at least we can enjoy each second that they are fabulous.  Although a picture won’t do them justice…here are the flowers that are brightening my day today. 

Thanks Crystal!

Harlowe Rose

Today my sweet niece Harlowe Rose is 7 months old!  It is hard to believe that time can go this quickly or that I could love her so very much.  I have had the privilege of being Harlowe’s weekday nanny for the last 5 months and let me tell you…if you want some perspective on life spend some time with a newborn.  She is so joyful, playful and cuddly.  Everything that she sees is new and exciting and a hug or playing with a toy can make a bad day instantly good.  Even in her sad moments she teaches me to appreciate what my mom did for me and I am learning all new levels of patience.  In her happy moments (which far outnumber her sad ones) her giggle is infectious and cuddling up with her can melt away any tension, stress or worry from my mind.  In my opinion, she is perfection in human form and I thank God daily not just for her but for the opportunity to spend so much time with her before I start my “real”, grown-up job.  So today let’s all raise a glass to little Harlowe Rose, the queen of the Hock clan!

in honor of her 7 month birthday, she learned

a new trick this week and sticks out her tongue!

Dance Dance

So life can get pretty stressful.  Run here, do this, do that, run there… it feels never ending and then it just keeps going.  On days, weeks or months like this I can be surprised by what ends up being the relaxing moment of the day.  Today that was my weekly drive from Louisville to Indianapolis.  After weeks of commuting in the rain, it was beautiful today and as I rolled down the windows and put in a CD I could feel the stress pour off of me.  On Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith and Christina often dance in their living room to loud music to detox from a busy day and in similar fashion I put on some music that one must dance to and sang out heart out to the upbeat tunes of Florence and the Machine, The Killers, Jimmy Eat World and Mumford and Sons.  It was fantastic.  The sun was setting, the air was warm and all I could do was dance dance my worries away.  Truckers and other passers by most likely thought I was losing my mind but in all actuality I was finding it and gaining a much needed perspective on my day.  So just in case you are feeling as overwhelmed as I was before I began my dance filled journey, put on a good CD and bust a move.  It will do wonderful things for your outlook on life!

 Sunset in rural Indiana

Absent

When I started this blog I had every intention to write daily or at least weekly but obviously I thought too highly of my ability to multi-task.  For the last three weeks I have been devoting every spare brain cell to the completion of my graduate degree.  I have barely been able to pull together a coherent though, yet alone something even mildly entertaining and therefore I have been absent from my creative self. 

The good news is, I am officially done with graduate school and as of next Friday I will walk across that stage and get the most difficult piece of paper that I have ever earned.  It is almost surreal to realize that I have been working towards this goal for as long as I can remember and now I am about to embark on the road after the dream.  I do not even know what this looks like but I am trying my best to be excited rather than terrified of this fact.  I know that I will be a great therapist.  I know that I have fabulous people in my life whom I would not be able to survive without and I know that through all of this I am simply a vehicle for God to lead and His path for me is better than anything I can fret about. 

I guess all of that is to say that I am back and I hope to be able to allow my creativity to come back in full force.  So we shall see!

I think I can, I think I can.

From childhood we are given an “I can do attitude” and stories to show how all dreams can be accomplished.  A the mantra that I was raised with for this attitude came from the classic children’s book The Little Engine that Could and a character who repeated over and over again “I think I can, I think I can” until he was able to successfully achieve his goal of getting the train over the big mountain.  A more recent version of this, in my opinion, comes from Finding Nemo and the lovable character of Dorie (voiced by the amazing Ellen Degeneres) who tells her new friend to not worry but to “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.” 

These last few weeks as I close one chapter of my life, begin a new one and feel completely overwhelmed with each step of the journey I find myself trying to remember these mantras.  Just this morning in the shower I was flooded with thoughts of being overwhelmed but I was reminded of little Dorie and her just keep swimming attitude.  Then a funny thing happened, I was reminded of the Biblical nature of this mantra and how silly it is that it is easier for me to remember that a little engine or a blue fish told me I could do it yet ignore my Heavenly Father’s constant promise that I can do this (Phil. 4:13), that I am not alone (Hebrews 13:5) and that I should not worry (Matt. 6:35).  Over and over in the Bible God shows His provisional power for His children and His desire to take care of us.  He is in control, I am not yet I fret and lose sleep as though I am the one in charge here.  Two years ago I had a good friend give me a book for my birthday that I knew looked good but put it on the bookshelf for another day.  I recently picked it back up and I have been immensely blessed by the words so eloquently written by Max Lucado.  His book, Traveling Light: Releasing the Burdens You Were Never Intended to Bear takes a walk through Psalm 23 and the realistic way that God, our Shepherd, loves us, provides for us and is with us on each step of our journeys.  I know for me, Psalm 23 is a chapter that I have grown up with but I had become complacent to just how deep these words are and the impact that trusting them could have for my stress level.  If you have a spare minute this week, check it out and take a minute to think about how God cares for us.  I just have to remind myself to keep focused on His word and His version of the “I can do it” mantras.  God is Good. 

hide your wives, hide your kids and hide your husbands...

So the stomach flu sucks. Obviously this is not a highly debated argument because what could possibly be fun about being so sick that even laying down doesn’t feel good. That is me today. So rather than simply complain in self pity I thought I would entertain all of us. I do apologize for the little bit of complaining. I am the baby of my family and complaining when I don’t feel well is what I do!

So without further ado let me tell you that I have been trying to avoid this stomach flu for over a week. Last Tuesday my brother and his wife who I live with were sick with the flu and then sweet little Harlowe got it but I had managed to remain flu free for a week! Then last night it hit me and all I could think of was the video attached to this post. Antoine Dodson because well known via youtube as his interview about his sister’s attack was auto-tuned and remixed into quite the entertaining little song. The reason that it seemed fitting for today and my stomach flu is because Antoine Dodson gives the excellent advice to “hide your wives, hide your kids and hide your husbands” and although I am not at all trying to equate his sister’s attack with the stomach flu… I felt like it was out to get me so I was hiding! In this video, Hayley Williams of Paramore (who, side-note, is one of my favorite people) recorded a punk-rock version of this interview with Ethan Luck, known for his work with the O.C. Supertones and Reliant K and Jordan Pundik of New Found Glory. In the world of entertaining youtube videos this one is pretty epic and always brightens my day. So I hope that it can brighten your day
too!

Live

Over the weekend I watched several movies as I worked through my pile of notes and papers that I am organizing in preparation for my graduate school exit exam (yay!).  One of these movies was Its Kind of a Funny Story starring two of my faves, Emma Roberts and Zach Galifanakis as well as a newcomer Keir Gilchrist who effectively portrays a high school student becoming overwhelmed by all that is his life.  As a psychology major I have always been fascinated by movies involving mental illness and this one was exceptionally good in its honest portrayal of the many levels of mental illness and the impact of stress on our mental well-being. 

As a quote person and as someone who is actively working to embrace life no matter what that looks like, the last scene of the movie was fabulously simple.  It involves Keir checking out of the psychiatric ward and talking about what his life will not be like.  Although there are portions of this quote that clearly mean nothing to my own life (like making out with Noelle, obviously), but I believe that you can get the idea that I am going for here.  Keir’s character Craig ends the movie by saying:

“Okay, I know you're thinking, "What is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all his problems are cured?" But I'm not. I know I'm not. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk. Ride the subway, read, read maps. Make maps, make art. Finish the Gates application. Tell my dad not to stress about it. Hug my mom. Kiss my little sister. Kiss my dad. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Have a party. Tell people my story. Volunteer at 3 North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person. Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked. Run, travel, swim, skip. Yeah, I know it's lame, but, whatever. Skip anyway. Breathe... Live.”

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the things of life that we forget that living is a blessing in and of itself.  Waking up each morning with air in my lungs and the potential that each day brings is the blessing that God has given us and I know that I personally desire to choose to embrace each day and to focus on the positive rather than the negative.  I choose to skip anyway. 

Check it out

Girl Time

A seriously underrated activity is the art of girl time.  In our busy lives we can get so wrapped up in the long list of “to-do’s” that spending some quality time with women who challenge us, comfort us and make us better versions of ourselves can be put on the back burner but this should not be the case.  I have been insurmountably blessed with both quantity and quality in regard to great girl friends.  Whether our time together be separated by distance and therefore our quality time involves emails, telephone calls and cards or we are geographically capable of girls weekends, movie nights or shared cups of coffee I am so grateful for the women in my life who help me recharge my batteries.  We laugh together, cry together and single handedly take on the problems of the world one latte at a time.  No length of time between talks can change the overwhelming support and care that I feel for these women and from these women and I thank God for them.  So my challenge today, if you have great girl friends in your life make sure that they know how much you love and appreciate them.  I hope each day that the female superpowers who touch my life know their importance and feel a big Alli hug today!  I am truly blessed.  And just to jazz up your Saturday, here is a little female superpower who is teaching me each day what love is all about! 

My niece, Harlowe

Uncharted

“Compare, where you are to where you want to be, and you’ll get nowhere”

I love Sara Bareilles.  Her music can instantly put me in a good mood and her lyrics are well-written, insightful and usually challenging to some situation that I am currently facing.  One year ago today I quit my stable, full time job and focused primarily on grad school.  Although I was nervous about how it would all work, I had great supporters (hi mom and dad!) and I am now on track to graduate in less than two months!  Why I love Sara B. is because her lyrics tend to be deeper than the usual “I love life, I love everything, let’s go drink” chatter that can fill a radio station but instead they provide thought provoking ideas like the one above.  Telling us to not to compare is not a statement against planning for the future, it is about living in the moment.  I am a planner, but I also find myself wishing my time away.  I want to be _____.  You can fill in the blank.  What do we wish for so much that we can not truly appreciate our current life circumstances?  The opportunity to leave work and focus only on school is a once in a lifetime chance that I was given.   Because of this opprortunity I was also able to have quite the flexible schedule which allowed me to travel, hangout with friends and family and most importantly be a part-time nanny to my newborn niece for a few months.  So as I could be busy comparing the fact that I am an unemployed student and I desire to be a full-time counselor in the future I choose to enjoy each moment of student life until I have to trade it in for a 9-5. 

PS. The video for Uncharted is super adorable.  Enjoy

Lipstick Fades?

Lipstick fades.  These two words come from a song that I have loved since high school.  I remember vividly as a seventeen year old who was trying to define herself I would sing these lyrics and wonder what twenty-three would look like.  It felt so far away and I had dreams and aspirations of what I thought my future “should be”.  I then recall my twenty-third birthday and realizing that not only had my preconceived notions been incorrect, but I remember again singing this song and wondering what twenty-three would hold.  Now I look at twenty-five and again… my plans are usually wrong but unlike the seventeen year old me that is okay.  I now focus on something other than plans when I listen to the lyrics of this song.  I focus on the title.  Real.  What does it mean to be real and how has the real girl who was seventeen, overly confident and secretly fearful changed into the real, twenty-four year old who is somewhat confident and openly fearful.  In all “realness” I can embrace the conundrum of being fearful but not scared.  I can embrace that fear often comes with starting a new journey and that for me fear can motivate to accomplishment.  At this point I have already gotten ahead of myself.  Here are the lyrics:

Plumb- Real

Look at me I'm twenty three
Beautiful a sight to see
Tonight

A little dress to draw the press
And I'll be leaving
All the rest behind

Well be pleased girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

I close my eyes imagine time
Will not forget
My sacrifice

I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness
Stand naked in the light

Well be pleased world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

The world goes home
The lights go down
My lipstick fades
Away

And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

From seventeen to almost twenty-five these words have remained a small thought that tends to pop in my head.  The lyrics in particular just jump into my consciousness almost every day and I hum a few bars before heading on to the next thing which demands my attention.  Why these lyrics have stuck in my head for years I do not know.  I have my assumptions, some of which include the fact that the longer I write on here the more you will notice that music lyrics tend to stick with me, possibly the fact that this particular song came about during a time in my life where I really was searching for identity and as the song says “something real” or maybe it is because without knowing it this song somewhat defines why I am motivated in my future career and my desire for realness both in myself and for those that I have the chance to help in a time of need.  Real.  This is something that we are flooded with on television and in the media with “reality” television and a push for no longer holding on to secrets but how real are we with one another?  At any moment how many people know the real version of us rather than the façade that we choose to portray to each person that we come in contact with?  I know that I have facades.  Sure, I would love to act as though I am genuine at all times and I do believe that I am on journey on genuineness yet it is difficult to always be who you are…for better or for worse.  The name of this blog comes from the lyrics of this song and that at the end of the day the lipstick fades and we are who we are.  So who do you want that to be?  I guess all I can say for now is stay tuned!

Hello Blogging, I'm Allison

So in theory this blog has been developing for a few months as I pondered if I would even have anything to fill a page.  Thoughts would pop in my head or I would find something fun to share and I would feel inspired to write it all down.  Finally I realized that as I prepare to graduate from grad school and embark on a new journey of "adulthood" this could be the perfect time to also embark on a new creative journey and therefore this blog was born!  As I post I hope it can be an introduction to who I am, what inspires me and a sneak peak at this thing I call life.  So hi, I'm Allison and it is wonderful to meet you!

xoxo